It’s been quite a long time since I’ve posted my last customer story, but to tell the truth, things on the customer support front for our online store have been very smooth as of late. There have been no crazy brides, no irate customers, no unreasonable demands. Everything has been just peachy for the last several months which is why we were due for a ridiculous customer sooner or later.

Photo By Najeebkhan2009

What struck me as odd about this particular customer was that she had such a messed up ideal about business and economics. In fact, all of her assumptions about how to obtain discounts and how pricing works were completely skewed. Here’s a transcript of the conversation. Thank goodness, my wife took this call and not me.

Wife: Hi miss, what can do for you this morning?

Customer: Yes, I would like to purchase some handkerchiefs and …

Close to 99% of our customers pay either by credit card or by Paypal and usually the payment transaction goes perfectly smooth. Customer enters credit card and/or Paypal information, hits the ‘confirm’ button and we deliver their goods on time. It’s like clockwork.

Photo By MSMail

But every now and then, someone pays for an order by echeck. And it’s a royal pain in the arse because one, the customer expects us to ship out their order right away even before the check clears and two, their check sometimes bounces. This particular customer had her check bounce on us and called us in a fit of anger.

Customer: You owe me 22 dollars!

Me: I apologize ma’am. What did you just say?

Customer: You owe me 22 dollars and I demand that you pay me back.

Me: I’m sorry, can we please take a step back? Did …

The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend who works at a popular search engine company, and he was telling me about some of the idiotic ways people use their web browser. Did you know that the majority of people type in their search query straight into the URL box at the top of the browser? Did you also know that a good number of people don’t use search at all and instead just append a .com to whatever they are looking for?

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It’s funny because as he was telling me these things, he was expecting me to look surprised and shocked but instead, I just stood there and smiled. After running our online store for the past several years, stories like this don’t faze me at all anymore. I’m well aware that there are a ton of people out there …

My wife and I try to make an effort to update our online store website with fresh content at least once a week. In addition, we constantly put up new products and take down old obsolete products as well. The upshot is that our website gets updated on a fairly regular basis.

It’s rare, but sometimes we also tweak the structure and html of the store to mix things up. And three weeks ago, I rearranged the way a few product categories were displayed which introduced a huge bug that went completely unnoticed. The funny thing is that orders continued to come in just fine and everything seemed completely normal.

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I wasn’t just being careless either. Being a paranoid person at heart, I always do a fair amount of testing every time I make even the most minor of changes. But I probably wouldn’t have …

Embrace disaster. When things go wrong and your customer is angry, take advantage of the situation and make things right. Don’t make excuses and take responsibility! After all, the reputation of your online business is defined by how you deal with adversity and unfortunate circumstances rather than how you handle day to day operations.

Photo by Alan Clark Design

Take our online store as an example. 90% of our customers complete their purchase from our online wedding linens store without ever contacting us. And whenever this happens, it’s difficult to make a strong impression. We have not personally interacted with the customer in any way and the point of sale is just another sale. Sure, the customer might like our products and they might mention our business to a few of their friends. But most likely, their purchasing experience just blends in …

Most customers call us for 3 reasons. One, they call because they aren’t comfortable purchasing anything online and prefer to buy over the phone. Two, they call because they have specific questions about our products. And finally, they call because they want our “expert” opinion on what to order. This particular mother of the bride wanted my input on handkerchiefs for her daughter and future son in law.

The truth of the matter is that I don’t like giving advice about wedding paraphernalia. Weddings are a touchy subject and most of the time, it’s difficult to gather enough information about your client’s taste to make an accurate recommendation. But sometimes you have to provide your opinion in order to complete a sale. Read on to find out what my opinion was truly worth.

Me: Hello. What can I do for …

When you run an online only store, it is essential to have good product pictures. Because the customer can’t actually touch or interact with the product in person, your product photos are the single most important factor in whether the customer will make a purchase or not.

As a result, we often embellish our products with accessories while taking product photos in order to make them more visually attractive. But sometimes, this can lead to some funny misunderstandings.

Me: What can I do for you today?

Customer: Yes, I was looking at your bride groom wedding set online. I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about this set since it’s hard to see the details from the picture.

Me: No problem. Did you try clicking on the picture to enlarge it?

Customer: Yes I did but I still couldn’t see the details. Could …

With the sheer number of telemarketer calls and spam emails that we all receive on a day to day basis, it’s no wonder that many of us are a bit paranoid about who we provide our information to. While most stores and shopkeepers run a legitimate and honest business, all it takes is one negative experience to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

This particular customer must have had quite a few bad experiences shopping online because she was by far our most secretive customer ever. Judging by her actions, she’s probably been ripped off or cheated on many occasions and obtaining her information was like pulling teeth.

Photo by Bah Humbug

Customer: Yes, I’d like to order 10 sets of 3 of your white embroidered hankies please.

Me: Of course. Is there anything else I can get for you?

Customer: Nope that will be it. Is it okay if …

We get a ton of calls on a regular basis from customers seeking discount pricing for bulk purchases. In most cases, their definition of a “bulk” purchase and our definition of “bulk” are miles apart. For example, just the other day we had a customer who demanded a “bulk” discount for purchasing 2 items valued at a whopping 40 dollars!

Very rarely though, we get a customer that truly meets our definition of bulk. This particular customer wanted to buy a large quantity of handkerchiefs and demanded a price that we weren’t willing to meet.

Customer: Yes I’m looking to purchase quite a few handkerchiefs and I was wondering if you offer discounts for large purchases?

Me: Why yes we do but it depends on the quantity of handkerchiefs that you need.

Customer: Actually I was looking to purchase around 50.

Me: Actually for just 50 hankies, the best …

It’s safe to say that a large percentage of our customers are not very tech saavy. But for some strange reason, I always expect a minimum level of computer competency whenever I speak with a customer on the phone.

For example, if a customer is able to find our store via the world wide web, isn’t it safe to assume that they know how to use a web browser? Shouldn’t they have at least a basic grasp of what a URL or what a web address is?

I discovered the hard way that this assumption is grossly false. This particular customer came across as a competent web user but turned out to have a very Google-centric view of the web.

Photo By Nalilo

Me: What can I do for you today?

Customer: Yes, I found your website the other day via the world wide web. But today, I was unable to …

I would say that probably 50% of the calls that we receive are from customers asking for discounts on products that they wish to purchase in bulk. We are not a wholeseller so we generally don’t offer price breaks unless the quantities involved are fairly large.

But what is definition of large? Apparently, the term “large” and “huge” cover a fairly big range. This customer’s definition of “huge” was drastically different from ours as evidenced in the customer call transcript below. I don’t know, would you consider her order huge?

Customer: Yes, I would like to order a large quantity of handkerchiefs and I was wondering if there were any discounts for huge orders.

Me: Yes, we can definitely offer you a discount if sufficient quantities are purchased. Which product in particular were you interested in?

Customer: I was looking at the white scalloped crochet …

Even though I am born and raised in the United States, I still encounter certain phrases and figures of speech in the English language that I’ve never heard before. So when I had to call this customer in order to clarify his order, I was totally caught off guard by what he had to say.

This customer in particular ordered a custom hanky from our online store with the bride, groom and wedding date embroidered on the handkerchief. What was odd about his order was that the wedding date was for a Tuesday. Since I found this particular day to be somewhat unusual for a wedding, I decided to give him a call to confirm the wedding date.

We don’t normally do this but I’ve learned from past experience that it’s better to clarify possible mistakes with the customer to avoid any potential problems ahead of time. While …

I’m not sure why but our online store attracts a large quantity of customers that are not very web or email savvy. We spend a lot of our time taking orders over the phone because people don’t feel comfortable ordering online or entering their credit card information on a computer.

While a good portion of our customers fall into this category, most of them are extremely courteous and polite. Usually, it’s a joy to walk them through the necessary checkout steps and teach them about the world wide web. In this particular case however, we had one customer who grossly misunderstood some basic concepts regarding email and spam.

Photo By Janet Galore

Customer: Hello? Hello? Hello?

Me: Hello? I can hear you. Can you hear me?

The lady was clearly on a cell phone and was calling in an area of poor reception.

Customer: Hello? Don’t …

We take our privacy policy very seriously with our online store. Due to liability reasons, we make an active effort to not store any payment information or credit card numbers in our database. This way, if our website ever gets hacked, the hacker will only be able to obtain a few names and addresses that we have on file. We also never sell customer information to any third party.

Most customers expect a strict privacy policy when shopping at any online store which made it surprising when this one customer called in asking us to blatantly violate our policies.

Customer: Hi! I’ve ordered from you guys in the past. Love your products and your customer service.

Me: Thank you. That means a lot. What can I do for you today?

Customer: Well, I would like to place another order, but I absolutely need it to be shipped …

It’s always refreshing to have a nice, considerate customer every now and then. I really enjoy speaking to our customers when they are polite on the phone, even if they are just calling to complain about something. 90% of the time, if they state their case clearly and politely, I’ll try and help them out in some way or form. The tactics that I wrote about here on how to negotiate with vendors applies to small businesses as well and is worth a read if you have the time. In any case, the customer I’m going to talk about today was just too damn considerate…so considerate that she actually got on my nerves at one point.

Customer: Yes sir, I was wondering if I could speak to the person who does the embroidery?

Me: Hi ma’am, unfortunately our embroiderist is not in at the moment. Is there …

The one downside of running an online store or business is that inevitably you’ll encounter a customer who is extremely abrasive and condescending. This particular lady placed an order with us, misread the description and then accused us of misleading her into making a purchase.

Customer: Yes, I’m calling because my order was not delivered correctly?

Me: Oh really? We apologize for that ma’am. What is your order number?

Customer: Order xxxx.

Me: Yes it shows here that you ordered a single four corner embroidered lace handkerchief. Was that not the contents in your package?

Customer: The type of handkerchief was correct, but I only got delivered one instead of four.

Me: There seems to be a misunderstanding. The handkerchief has embroidery on all four corners. It does not come with 4 handkerchiefs.

Customer: Well, let me tell you that that is extremely misleading. …

I don’t know why, but for some reason, our customers always want to tell me their life story when they make a purchase over the phone. They nonchalantly ask me about the merchandise and then slowly steer the conversation towards what’s going on in their life. In some extreme cases, they ask me for advice, not on the products mind you, but on personal life decisions. My wife says that I’m extremely polite on the phone with customers but I don’t think that I come across as a psychiatrist! In any case, the following lady clearly needed professional assistance with her situation. Maybe I should consider becoming a shrink?

Customer: Yes I would like to order some personalized handkerchiefs for the groom and his groomsmen. I was thinking of embroidering my name and the grooms name along with the wedding date on the handkerchiefs.

Me: …

We get a lot of customers who purchase our linens on behalf of a large organization or for a specific event. This particular customer managed a local charity that supports children born with a certain disease (I’m keeping the specific charity anonymous for privacy reasons). She was looking for personalized handkerchiefs to congratulate all of her kids for persevering at an annual charity picnic. Sounds like a very sweet gift right?

Customer: Yes, I’m looking for some handkerchiefs that I can purchase in bulk and have a short message embroidered on them. I run a local charity and these will be gifts for the children for an annual event.

Me: Yes, maam. Our personalized and monogrammed handkerchiefs would be perfect for your event. They are located here on our website. (I then email her the link)

Customer: Thanks for the link. I’m looking to buy …

Sometimes there are products that we carry that I’m not intimately familiar with. Because buying and stocking items for our online store is primarily my wife’s responsibility, she has much more knowledge about our products than I do. Fortunately, I don’t have to take that many customer support calls so my weaknesses are not often exposed.

However, every now and then, I’ll get a customer that truly tests my knowledge. This was one such customer who pushed me to my limits.

Customer: Yes. I’m looking for some linens that I can use to host a tea party.

Me: We offer a line of cotton and linen tea napkins exactly for that purpose. I will send you the URL for the webpage that lists these products.

Customer: Are these napkins thick? Because I’m looking for something very sheer and delicate.

Me: Hmm….They are napkins so they are definitely on …

With every store, you’ll inevitably attract a certain class of customers that will only shop in your bargain bin. These people will skip all of your nicer merchandise and go straight for the cheapest stuff that you carry in your store. Often times, these people will also ask for a further discount as well on top of the already heavily reduced price.

We had one of these customers purchase the cheapest item in our store for $6.50 the other week. Quite frankly, the set of handkerchiefs he chose were kind of ugly. They were not selling well and we had marked them down 3 times already because we just wanted to clear them out of our store. All of our clearance items are for final sale only.

Anyways, this fellow received the handkerchiefs in the mail and called us up because his wife hated …