Follow On TwitterMore Mistakes Parents Make With Kids And Money – Part 2
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In my previous article on mistakes parents make with kids and money – part 1, I pointed out 3 crucial mistakes that parents make with their kids and money.
1. Parents use credit cards in front of their kids
2. Parents buy their kids stuff because other kids have it
3. Parents hide financial details from their kids
If you happen to fall into any of the above categories, chances are you’re already sending wrong messages to your children about money. What’s worrisome is that this isn’t even an exhaustive list. In this article, I’m going to point out even more things that parents commonly overlook regarding kids and money that I’ve both experienced and observed first hand while growing up.
Photo By RedGlow82
Probably what is most disturbing is that we as parents make these mistakes with only good intentions in mind. We want our kids to look back on their childhood with fond memories and in most cases, we think that we are doing the right thing by making our kids happy. But if you’re not careful, you’ll send the wrong monetary messages to your child. Here are some more mistakes that parents make with their kids and money.
You Spend Money On Your Kids Without Telling Your Spouse
I was a master of playing off my parents as a kid. My dad was always more strict with money and both of my parents often had disagreements regarding how money was to be spent. I used to use their differing opinions to my advantage. In the beginning, I used to ask my Dad first whenever I needed to buy something frivolous and more often than not I would get “no” as an answer. So I’d ask my mom instead and she would always have a more sympathetic ear.
“I don’t think that Dad thinks this is a worthwhile purchase, but I really need these things for school.”
“Oh that’s nonsense. What do you need? For something this small, your Dad doesn’t have to know.”
My mom was a total softie when it came to shopping. She always wanted to see me happy and sometimes she would secretly purchase stuff for me without my dad’s knowledge. Just to be clear, it wasn’t as though we were sneaking around behind my father’s back, but my mom did buy me a lot of things that my dad probably never knew about.
So what message did that give me? For one thing, I learned to never ask my Dad for anything. If I needed to buy something, I went directly to Mom. At that point in my childhood, I liked my mom better because she was my ticket to free stuff.
The second message I received was that it was okay to purchase things without my father knowing. It was almost like my mom and I had our own secret conspiracy going on in the background.
You can see why these messages are bad right? If anything, it taught me that if my dad didn’t know about a purchase, then the expense didn’t really exist. It also taught me that it was okay to be secretive and deceptive regarding money. To prevent this from happening with your child, you need to form a united front with your spouse regarding monetary policy in the household. Kids are smart and they’ll always take advantage of loopholes in the system.
You Give Your Kids Money Unintentionally
When I was growing up, I made the majority of my money just by scrounging around the house. My parents would leave a few bucks here or drop a few bucks there. Sometimes they’d give me 20 dollars to buy something and never ask for the change back. Sometimes I’d ask for more money than I needed to fund a particular activity.
For example, if I wanted to buy tickets to the high school football game, I’d intentionally ask for extra money for concessions or other miscellaneous expenses and simply pocket the money. All of this money really added up after a while. If I was diligent in running errands for my parents, sometimes I could pocket 50 dollars a week or more.
Because I didn’t have to earn it, the money I made scrounging around didn’t carry much value to me. So in many cases, I’d spend it frivolously on food, games or other entertainment expenses. I personally think that parents need to be careful how much “free” money they leave lying around. If you want to give your kid some money, make them work for it by doing chores around the house. If I had to mow the lawn or rake the leaves for that 50 dollars a week, I probably would have appreciated it more.
You Have Absolutely No Clue Where Your Kids Spend Money
As a kid, I blew most of my cash on worthless stuff. Every time I amassed even a small amount of money, I’d spend it frivolously on computer games, food or candy. Sometimes, I’d treat myself to a nice dinner or blow a large amount of money at the local arcade. A kid who truly values money will not spend it frivolously.
A kid who values money will save it for something that he/she really wants to buy and his/her decision to buy the item will be steadfast and unwavering. If you observe your child’s spending habits, you can spot and fix many money problems early on. I think it’s especially important for parents to know what their kids truly value and want. You can usually get a pretty good idea of how your kid is developing just by observing what they spend their money on.
Keeping tabs on what they spend their money on will also allow you spot other problems as well. Here’s a good example. One of my friends in high school who never had any money growing up one day suddenly started spending up a storm. He purchased a brand new stereo for his car and he treated a bunch of us out to an expensive dinner. Where did he get the cash? Turns out that he was illegally breaking into vending machines to steal the money. As his friend, we questioned how he got the money and urged him to stop. Fortunately, we pressured him to do the right thing before he got into any major trouble.
What’s odd was that his parents had no clue anything was wrong. If his parents saw his new car stereo, or took an interest in what he was buying, they would have known something was amiss. In retrospect, I think my friend purposely broke into the vending machines because he wanted to test his parents to see if they were even paying attention.
Conclusion
It’s hard enough to teach your kids about money in the first place. But if you are sabotaging yourself with mistakes at the same time, it’s downright impossible. These are all the common mistakes that I’ve observed while growing up. If I’ve missed anything at all, please chime in with your thoughts.
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[...] More Mistakes Parents Make With Kids And Money – Part 2 | MyWifeQuitHerJob.comon 29 Oct 2008 at 8:36 [...]
When my children were young money was very tight, so there was no need to worry about money laying around. If you ask my boys today how they learned to respect money they would tell you that it is because they had to have a really good reason to ask for money when they were young. I made sure they had what they needed but we couldn’t afford frivolous purchases. As a result, now that they are adults with their own financial houses to keep clean, they live comfortably but credit card debt free.
I just sent this post to my husband. I am trying so hard to do the right thing with our children and I just found out my husband (who has pretty poor financial habits) has been been throwing my kids money every so often. So, where I give them a set amount each week and they have to budget their money for the week, my husband will sometimes fill in and totally derail my efforts. It’s a very bad message to send and we need to work on that. Our children need to understand 1) how to budget, 2) how to do without and 3) Mommy and Daddy can’t always bail them out because they need to stand on their own 2 feet or else they too will develop poor financial habits in the future.
Hi Susan,
There’s no better way to learn about money than to not have much of it to spend. But you’d be surprised how many people without money still spend like crazy for their kids.
Hi Creditmom,
You and your hubby need to form a strong united front. Kids are smart these days. They’ll always exploit holes in the system. The main problem is that buying stuff for your kids makes them like you more which further feeds into more spending.