Follow On TwitterReader Response: How To Prepare Your Daughter For Dating
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In a previous post entitled 5 crucial subjects that schools don’t cover that you should at home, I ended the article with a paragraph describing how I was going to prepare my daughter for dating when she grows up. Below is an excerpt from the article.
On a more serious note, I’m kind of resigned to the fact that my daughter will eventually start dating with or without my consent. The best way to prepare her for dating is to take her on dates myself. Once or twice a year, I plan on taking her out for night on the town and showing her how a gentleman is supposed to treat a lady. Hopefully, she’ll come to expect this sort of royal treatment whenever she goes out with a boy and will never settle for anything less.
While the majority of readers liked the idea, I did have one reader who posted a negative response which took me by surprise. His comments really stuck to me so I thought I would just take the time to address some of his points. First off, I would like to sincerely thank this reader for taking the time to read my humble blog. Below is a copy of his response.
I think taking her out on the town is a bad idea for four reasons:
1) it will first of all give her an unrealistic expectation of what men are/should be,
2) second of all, it will teach her that she is queen, or better than men and therefore can treat them badly and get away with it, leading to unhealthy relationships,
3) thirdly, for her sake, because relationships are boring if the other person treats you like a god,
4) fourthly, it causes problems with the head too, the person is treating you nice, so you ’should’ like/love them, but actually it’s very boring, so your body looks elsewhere, this starts you off thinking that you’re ‘bad’ or somesuch for being unfaithful, when you have such a great person already, when in fact, he’s boring you and you want to move on.
Everyone has their own experiences and beliefs, but treating your daughter like a lady is not going to set any unrealistic expectations. If you over do it and shower your daughter with adulation or treat her like a little goddess, then I would tend to agree but this is not my intention. I want my daughter to have high expectations. I want her to be treated with the respect and the loyalty that she deserves. The unfortunate fact is that I have too many friends that have settled in their relationships and I strongly believe that this is because they’ve never experienced anyone better. Being treated well starts with having high self-esteem and high self-esteem can only be obtained gradually through building confidence in yourself. I plan on instilling that confidence in my daughter early on.
Just to be clear, I’m not going to take my daughter out on the town and cater to her every whim. I’m just going to treat it like a very special night, a special night where my daughter and I can simply bond together. Regarding dating, studies have shown that kids pick up the majority of their relationship knowledge based on how their parents treat each other on a day to day basis. I guess that means I have to treat my wife like a lady too. Nobody ever said that being a parent was going to be easy.
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[...] Last of all, I’m going to teach my little daughter that boys are yucky and that they are all scumbags. Proper daughters are not to date until they are 25 years of age and should listen to whatever their daddy has to say. On a more serious note, I’m kind of resigned to the fact that my daughter will eventually start dating with or without my consent. The best way to prepare her for dating is to take her on dates myself. Once or twice a year, I plan on taking her out for night on the town and showing her how a gentleman is supposed to treat a lady. Hopefully, she’ll come to expect this sort of royal treatment whenever she goes out with a boy and will never settle for anything less. Are there any subjects that you want covered in school that I missed here? Please lend me your thoughts. Please read the follow up response to this article here [...]
Hi Steve,
I enjoyed this post very much. That last bit was really funny! Your daughter is very fortunate to have you a cool father like you.
Thanks Irene! You have adorable little girls yourself! You’ll have to let me know how it goes once they start dating.
Yes, I would agree that it is important to instill confidence in our kids. That they deserve every bit of self respect and worth, no less. Having nights out for bonding is definitely a good idea! I guess it is less crucial in where you are intending to bring her but on how you are going to spend the time together.
Thanks for the being open and honest in your posts. I’ve really enjoyed reading some of them and look forward to the rest, as well as future ones.
Regarding your post about 5 crucial subjects schools don’t cover, I would suggest another one that isn’t really taught – collaboration. You may have alluded to it in the section on how to deal with people or in other entries about entrepreneurship, but perhaps you may have some additional thoughts on it. I think it would be helpful to learn about collaboration early on in our lives. When we were young, we were taught to share, which was somewhat enforced in school through projects, etc. But I don’t recall emphasis being placed on true collaboration, which I am sure is vital to entrepreneurial ventures.
As early as elementary school, and throughout high school and college, we were instilled with the mentality to be individually competitive. I have found that in the real world, I’ve had to learn how to not only work in teams, but also enable my team to work with and learn from other groups, which creates quite a dynamic. I have also had to learn how to influence others without authority. I think in order to be successful, especially in a progressively global economy, we have to learn how to effectively leverage the resources around us, the most vital being people. Throughout your ventures, what was your experience collaborating with others beyond your wife? Were those experiences not only helpful, but also necessary to your success?
Btw, I don’t think that taking your daughter out is a good idea…I think its a grand idea. I don’t agree with the reader that it would spoil her expectations about men. Not all men are the same. Some of us are nice pigs and good dogs
Seriously, its great to teach your daughter what men are and how they should be. And a loving father as an example is the best place to start.
I can understand the reader’s concern that the girl may grow to compare the unconditional love of her father to that of the boys she dates. But its not about comparison or living up to an impossible gentlemen’s standard; its about appreciation through examples. Its ultimately about learning what a true lady is and what those qualities deserve. Your daughter would not think she is queen – probably a princess, but who says raising a kid is easy? Btw, she will know that Mommy is the Queen. And as she grows up, she will appreciate the right kind of man because she knows what is possible for men. If I had a daughter, I would totally have a similar bonding time. Of course, we would have a lot of opportunities because I won’t let her date until she’s 35
Thanks in advance for any time that you may devote to responding to this comment.
- BP
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