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The reliable way to get an influencer to respond is to make yourself familiar before you ever ask for anything. Comment substantively on their content and share it with real commentary for weeks, so that when your email arrives they recognize your name rather than treating you as one of the hundred strangers writing that day.
In this episode my business partner Toni and I break down how we each do this. Toni is genuinely excellent at it, and my own approach is riskier and works differently.
Below is the whole playbook: the warm-up sequence, how to write the email, how to work a network from accessible people toward inaccessible ones, and the line between networking and being a creep.
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Table of Contents
Key takeaways
- Warm them up on social first so your name is familiar before the email arrives.
- Never comment “great post.” Respond to something specific, and disagreeing is fine.
- Use their tactic and report the result. That is how I got onto Amy Porterfield’s podcast.
- Keep the email above the fold. Lead with what you offer them, not what you want.
- Map who knows whom and work from accessible people toward the ones you cannot reach directly.
- Never fanboy. It permanently places you below the person you are talking to.
- Wait months before asking. Relationships need time before an ask makes sense.
- Genuineness is the whole thing. People detect a transactional approach quickly.
Why warming up on social media works
Interacting with someone’s content before you contact them removes the stranger problem.
Toni’s example came from her first ecommerce conference, where a speaker she wanted to meet had his Twitter handle on screen during his talk.
She found a commonality, in this case the NBA, and engaged with his tweets. Some light smack talk rather than compliments.
He followed her back before they met in person. When she introduced herself later that day, she referenced their exchange and there was an immediate connection.
The general rule is that this works remotely too. Comment when they publish, share their posts with real commentary, and do it consistently over roughly a month rather than all in one day.
Creators notice. I notice everyone who comments on my posts, mentions the podcast, or comments on a YouTube video, and a familiar name gets a very different reception in my inbox.
How to comment so a creator remembers you
Respond to something specific the person actually said, and never leave a generic compliment.
The failure mode is obvious to any creator. Great post, love your content, and nice all read as automated.
Disagreement works well. Saying that you found something interesting and see it differently gives the creator something to respond to.
Length signals effort. Two paragraphs on a blog post is memorable specifically because almost nobody writes them.
Sharing follows the same rule. A share with one or two sentences explaining why the piece was useful lands far harder than a bare link.
The tactic that gets you onto someone’s podcast
Implement something the person taught, then report your actual results back to them.
This is how I got onto Amy Porterfield’s podcast. I tried her webinar techniques, they worked, and I told her.
Creators want success stories badly. She had me on her show, I had her on mine, and she used my results in her own presentations afterward.
The pattern generalizes to any niche. Make a food blogger’s recipe on video with full credit, or apply a marketing framework and publish the outcome.
The reason it works is that you are producing proof for them. A creator posting their own results looks like marketing, and a third party doing it looks like evidence.
How to write an outreach email that gets read
Keep the whole thing above the fold and lead with what you can do for the recipient.
Long emails from strangers do not get read. Anything extending below the fold usually gets skipped entirely.
Structure it in roughly three sentences. Open with how you can help them, then a single sentence introducing yourself.
Never use a template. Every email should be original, and templates are recognizable immediately.
Toni’s specific advice for reaching me is to put everything in the subject line, since that is what actually gets read.
The most common mistake is inverting the order. An email opening with what you want them to do gets deleted, because they receive dozens of those daily.
How to map a network and work your way in
Build a list of who knows whom, then start with the most accessible person rather than the one you actually want.
Toni watched a company do this literally in a spreadsheet. Every blogger they wanted to meet, all their social properties, and who each person was connected to.
The logic was sequential. Reaching an accessible blogger eventually leads to a less accessible one, because the relationships chain.
That company had no credibility when they started and built a business large enough to sell.
Facebook makes the mapping trivial. You can see connections directly and identify the lowest-friction entry point.
My own version is podcast guests. Booking people who are more accessible first means the next pitch can reference guests the target already knows.
The critical caveat is genuineness. Approaching person A purely as a route to person F fails, because the relationship has to be real for the introduction to happen at all.
The mutual friend introduction and its aggressive variant
A single warm introduction from a mutual friend outperforms almost any cold approach.
My more aggressive version is having several mutual friends reach out at once. I got Ryan Deiss on the podcast by having five or six of his friends recommend me within a couple of days, then emailing him myself.
He mentioned the volume when we spoke and later said it was effective.
Toni does not endorse this and finds it overwhelming, which is a fair read. The standard mutual friend introduction carries none of that risk.
How to talk to someone once you meet them
Never fanboy, because it immediately establishes you as the lesser party.
Toni’s approach is to let the other person talk. Stay focused, ask questions, avoid talking about yourself, and never let your eyes wander around the room looking for someone better.
Mine is to steer toward topics where I know more than they do. Talking about their core competency positions them as the authority, and a shared interest where I have depth reverses that.
My default topics are kids and relationships, since those find common ground with almost anyone.
The joking approach carries real risk. I tend to rip on people lightly early to gauge what they can take, and someone who cannot take it is someone I will not become close to.
Keep any joking impersonal. A sports team or shoes is safe territory, and anything about the person’s circumstances is not.
Where networking becomes creepy
Knowing unusually specific details about someone’s life crosses a line that ordinary interest does not.
We have both watched people approach someone at an event knowing facts they could only have from reading every post that person ever made.
The dynamic differs by gender in practice. A man flattered by someone knowing details about him is common, and a woman in the same position often reads it as a warning.
The distinction is not about knowing things. Researching who you are approaching is normal and useful, and reciting their daily routine is not.
Why you should wait months before asking
Relationships need time to establish before an ask makes sense.
My own pattern is to ask for nothing for months and sometimes years, treating the early interactions as seeding rather than setup.
The exception is when you genuinely connect in person. Then asking immediately is fine, and a podcast invitation is a natural next step.
The frame that makes all of this work is giving more than you expect to receive. Approaching people asking what you can offer produces better outcomes than any tactic.
Why relationships drive business outcomes more than work quality
Good work that matches everyone else’s good work leaves you indistinguishable.
My own business did not start growing until I began attending events. The work I was doing before was not worse.
Toni’s version is that nearly every opportunity she has had traces to a relationship. The blogger group she formed became the event she runs, and meeting me introduced her to ecommerce as a category she had not known existed.
The value is not always a favor. Frequently it is simply exposure to something you would not have found alone.
The relationships also outlast the business reason. Toni watched a friend’s medical crisis update thread and found that almost everyone on it was someone that friend met through building an online business.
The practical benefit compounds. Having people who understand this kind of work matters when a Google update wipes out your traffic and nobody local understands why that is devastating.
Frequently asked questions
How do you get an influencer to respond to your email?
Make your name familiar first. Comment substantively on their content and share it with real commentary for several weeks before emailing, so your message arrives from a recognized name rather than a stranger.
What should you write in a blog comment to get noticed?
Respond to something specific the person actually said, and feel free to disagree. Two paragraphs of genuine engagement is memorable precisely because almost everyone writes “great post” instead.
How long should an outreach email be?
Short enough to read without scrolling. Roughly three sentences: open with what you can do for them, then one sentence introducing yourself. Anything longer from a stranger usually goes unread.
How do you reach someone who ignores you?
Work through their network. Map who they are connected to, start with the most accessible person, and build genuine relationships that eventually produce an introduction. A warm introduction outperforms any cold approach.
Should you compliment an influencer when you meet them?
Not effusively. Fanboying immediately establishes you as the lesser party and changes how they treat you from that point on. Aim for a peer dynamic instead.
What should you talk about when you meet someone you admire?
Toni asks questions and lets them talk. My approach is to find a shared interest where I happen to know more than they do, which reverses the authority dynamic without any awkwardness.
How soon can you ask an influencer for something?
Usually months, sometimes longer. The exception is genuinely connecting in person, where an immediate podcast invitation is natural. Asking too early makes the earlier interactions read as setup.
Does networking actually matter for business results?
Substantially. My own business did not start growing until I began attending events, and the work I was producing beforehand was not worse. Good work that matches everyone else’s leaves you indistinguishable.
