319: How A Simple Mindset Shift Completely Changed My Life With Steve Chou

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You’re listening to the My Wife Quitter Job podcast, the place where I bring on successful bootstrap business owners and delve deeply into the strategies they use to grow their businesses. Now today is going to be a solo episode where I’m going to talk about one mindset shift that drastically changed the course of both my social life as well as my online business success. Now this concept is important and I’m more than happy to share with you embarrassing stories to illustrate my points. But before we begin, I want to thank Postscript.io for sponsoring this episode. Now if you run an e-commerce business of any kind,

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You know how important it is to own your customer contact list. And this is why I’m focusing a significant amount of my efforts on SMS marketing. I sincerely believe that SMS or text message marketing is going to be a huge channel for my store going forward. And I’ve chosen Postscript.io to be my text message provider. Now why Postscript? It is because they specialize in e-commerce stores and e-commerce is their primary focus. Not only is it easy to use, but you can quickly segment your audience based on your exact sales data.

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and implement automated flows like an abandoned cart at the push of a button. Not only that, it is price well too and you only pay for the messages that you actually send. So head on over to postscript.io slash Steve and try it for free. That’s P-O-S-T-S-E-R-I-P-T dot I-O slash Steve. I also want to thank Klaviyo for sponsoring this episode. Now it’s safe to say that most of us have been doing more online shopping lately. And if you’re an e-commerce brand, that means you might be seeing more first time customers. But once they’ve made that first purchase, how do you keep them coming back?

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That is what Klaviyo is for. Klaviyo is the ultimate email and SMS marketing platform for e-commerce brands, and it gives you the tools to build your contact lists, send memorable emails, automate key messages, and more. A lot more. And that is why more than 30,000 brands like Chubbies, Brooklinen, and Living Proof use Klaviyo to build a loyal following. Strong customer relationships mean more repeat sales, enthusiastic word of mouth, and less depending on third-party ads. So whether you’re launching a new business or taking your brand to the next level, Klaviyo can help you get growing faster.

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and it is free to get started. So visit clevio.com slash mywife to create your free account. That’s K-L-A-V-I-Y-O dot com slash mywife. Now onto the show.

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Welcome to the My Wife Coder Job podcast. Today, I’m going to share with you some embarrassing stories about my childhood, how I came out of my shell and how good things started happening when I stopped doing this one thing. Now, if you’ve ever met me in real life, you probably know that I have a tendency to blurt out whatever’s on my mind. Sometimes what comes out of my mouth is inappropriate. Sometimes it’s embarrassing. And sometimes it’s what everyone else is thinking, but unwilling to say out loud. But it is who I am and I don’t care.

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What’s funny though is that I was a completely different person as a kid. And growing up, I was taught to fit in with all the other kids, work hard and let my grades do all the talking. And as a result, I was painfully shy when I was young. I never spoke up in class. I rarely initiated conversation. In fact, I was the quiet Chinese kid in the corner who rocked all the tests, got straight A’s and helped bring up the property values in my neighborhood. Now outside of my close friends, no one knew anything about me because I rarely said a word.

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I blended into the background and quietly went about my studies. But the truth is is that deep down, I didn’t want to be this way. I didn’t want to be the good old Chinese nerd in class and I wanted to be liked and admired. In fact, I would often dream about being the popular kid in school who all the girls liked. I would envision myself as the life of the party, walking down the halls with random people high-fiving me left and right, but my dreams never had a chance of becoming true because I was afraid of saying the wrong thing.

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I was so scared of what others would think of me that I defaulted to staying silent and just fitting in. And as a result, I held back much of my personality as a kid and probably missed out on being way more popular. Anyway, here’s how I made my transformation and what I learned in the process. Now, as long as we’re digging up old baggage, here’s a childhood story of mine where one of my classmates literally stole all of my jokes and became known as the funniest kid in class. Now it was third grade and this boy named Al, it’s not a real name,

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but we’ll call him Al for this video, was assigned to sit next to me in school and we quickly became friends. I used to tell him whatever random thoughts were going on in my head. And whenever a Seinfeld worthy event happened during school, I would make some sort of outrageous comment to make him laugh and he would often crack up in the middle of class. In fact, he found my zinger so funny that he started yelling out my one liners in front of all the students in the class. And of course everyone loved what came out of his mouth because they were my jokes.

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and Al became known as the funniest kid in the third grade. Now what’s sad is that I never had the courage to tell my own jokes out loud because I was too afraid to speak up. And I continued to let Al steal my thunder the entire year, but he made me realize that I had a funny personality. Anyway, after hiding in Al’s shadow all of third grade, I slowly started speaking up more and I realized that it was okay to say whatever was on my mind. And in fact, it was cathartic.

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So the summer of eighth grade was that I truly came out of my shell. And that summer I was sent away to overnight camp at Franklin and Marshall college for three weeks. And it was my first opportunity to experiment with my new, I’m going to say whatever the hell I want philosophy because no longer was I stuck in an environment where I was expected to be the quiet nerd. And I could start all over again. And at this camp, no one had any preconceived notions about my personality. And it was my chance to let loose with zero consequences.

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because I would never see these kids again. And in fact, it was at this summer camp that I realized that acting normal made me stand out. And that summer, I finally experienced what it felt like to be a popular kid, and I met my first girlfriend that year. So sometimes a change of environment is necessary to hit your reset button. When you are stuck in the same peer group for too long, you can get pigeonholed with a certain persona that can be hard to break out of. Anyway, I came back from summer camp that year with some major life lessons

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that I’m going to share with you right now. So lesson number one, no one is paying attention to you. The first lesson I learned is that we think too highly of ourselves. When you are insecure about yourself, paranoia dictates that everyone is watching your every move. But it is usually the complete opposite. And in fact, I always chuckle whenever my wife asks me for my opinion, whenever we go out. Should I go with the pearl earrings or the diamond stud for this party? They both look beautiful. This is the correct answer for every question, by the way. Hmm, I don’t know.

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Honey, we gotta get going. No one is going to care. I care. Have you ever spent way too much time thinking about what you’re going to wear? Have you ever been worried about how you’re dressed or how you looked? One time I was so paranoid about a stain in my pants that I purposely sat cross-legged on the sofa for an entire night so no one would notice. This is a scenario that we all secretly picture in our minds, but in reality, everyone is just planning their next selfie. Overall, we give ourselves too much credit.

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No one is paying close attention to you and it is all in your head. Lesson number two, your fears are usually irrational. Now the consequences of our fears are usually much dire than we envision. So for example, when my wife and I first launched our e-commerce store, we were both terrified of failing and losing all of our money. And in my mind, I pictured myself getting ridiculed by my Stanford classmates. After all, selling handkerchiefs online is not a glamorous business by any means. And to fail at it, that would be downright embarrassing.

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I also had frequent nightmares of my wife and I at the side of the road begging for money. Totally irrational, I know. But in reality, we invested roughly $630 into our online store and a ton of sweat equity. There is nothing for us to lose except for our pride. In worst case scenario, the business fails, my wife goes back to work, and life goes on. Now when I was younger, I used to be afraid of approaching women and strangers because I was terrified of rejection. But these days, I simply ask myself, what is the worst

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that can possibly happen. If I get rejected, is this going to profoundly affect my life? And the answer is almost always no. Lesson number three, when you speak your mind, people will listen. And when I first started blogging back in 2009, I played it safe by writing canned tutorials about e-commerce. I took what I read online and what I implemented with my online store and stuck strictly to the facts. And at the time, I didn’t express my own opinions with my writing because I didn’t want anyone to disagree with me. I wanted everyone to like me.

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and agree with everything I said. And it was just like third grade all over again. I was afraid to write about how I truly felt. I didn’t want to say anything bad about the tools that I was using, nor did I stray from writing about what was generally accepted as best practice. And as a result, my blog was a total failure for the first few years because my writing was a regurgitation of what was already out there. There was no soul to my posts. I never took a strong stance on anything. But when I finally got personal and expressed my opinion,

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My articles immediately gained traction. No one likes to read bland content that just plays it safe. People want to hear what is on your mind. And someone once told me that you aren’t truly successful until you get your first piece of hate mail. And I actually truly believe this statement. Unless you are striking a nerve with your audience, you will never be successful. So overall, people always gravitate towards an individual with a strong opinion, whether they disagree or not. You can’t please everyone, but if you try, you will please no one.

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If you sell on Amazon or run any online business for that matter, the most important aspect of your long-term success will be your brand. And this is why I work with Steven Weigler and his team from Emerge Council to protect my brand over at Bumblebee Linens. Now what’s unique about Emerge Council is that Steve focuses his legal practice on e-commerce and provides strategic and legal representation to entrepreneurs to protect their IP. So for example, if you’ve ever been ripped off or knocked off on Amazon, then Steve can help you fight back and protect yourself.

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Now, first and foremost, protecting our IP starts with a solid trademark and Emerge Council provides attorney-advised strategic trademark prosecution, both in the United States and abroad for a very low price. And furthermore, the students in my course have used Steve for copyrighting their designs, policing against counterfeits and knockoffs, agreements with co-founders and employees, website and social media policies, privacy policies, vendor agreements, brand registry, you name it. So if you need IP protection services, go to EmergeCouncil.com and get a free consult.

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And if you tell Steve that I sent you, you’ll get a hundred dollar discount. That’s E-M-E-R-G-E-C-O-U-N-S-E-L.com. Now back to the show. Lesson number four, no one who fits in is ever wildly successful. Now, if there’s one lesson that I’ve learned from trading stocks that applies to everything in life, it’s that if you follow the crowd, you will never accomplish anything extraordinary. Why is Warren Buffett so successful? It’s because he buys stocks when no one else wants to buy. He doesn’t panic.

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when other people are frantically liquidating their holdings. And the same is true in business and life. If you sell similar products online as everyone else, then your prices will quickly spiral to the bottom. If you use the same marketing tactics as every other business, then you will never make any sales. The secret to success is actually being weird. Don’t think you’re weird? I call BS. Everyone is weird in their own way. And if you ever meet someone who isn’t strange, then be very suspicious because they are hiding something from you.

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The sooner you embrace your eccentricities, the sooner you’ll achieve your goals in life. And in fact, the most successful people I know are all quirky and they leverage their quirkiness to their advantage. For example, Pat Flynn leverages his geekiness and his love for Back to the Future to be relatable to his audience. Derek Halpern runs his snarky mouth and people love it. I often send Photoshop images to my podcast guests as a joke. And here are some of my works of art. For example, I sent this picture to Jen Hansard, the founder of Simple Green Smoothies,

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threatening to expose the image of her drinking a blended caramel ribbon crunch cream frappuccino macchiato instead of her smoothies. I sent a similar accusation to Tony Horton, founder of the hit workout P90X, threatening to expose this picture of him eating McDonald’s french fries amidst a sea of junk food. Now if you haven’t experienced success yet in your life, then it’s probably because you are doing what everyone else is already doing. So embrace your inner crazy, be bold, and take some action. Lesson number five.

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only pay attention to people who matter. Now even though I try my best to ignore what other people think, it is human nature to care. But I’ve trained myself over the years to only care about the opinions from people who matter in my life. And having blogged for over a decade, I’ve received my fair share of hate mail over the years. And these letters contain some of the most hateful language that you’ll ever, ever read. But here’s what I tell myself. You’ll never meet 99.9 % of the people who don’t agree with you, so why waste time thinking about it?

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Focus on the opinions of the people you trust and admire because those are the only opinions that matter. And if you ever do meet a hater in person, I am willing to bet that they’ll be nicer than you think. After all, those who feel anonymous hiding behind a computer screen are much bolder than they are in real life. In fact, I’ve spoken with a few haters in my day who were perfectly nice individuals when I interacted with them on Skype or met them in person. So moral of the story here is don’t be afraid of the hate.

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Embrace it because it means that you are doing something right. So finally, the biggest turning point in my life came when I stopped bottling myself up and pushing down my personality. After all, it’s human nature to not rock the boat and try to blend in. But in reality, embracing your inner weird is the only way to stand out. Because remember, almost nothing that you’re scared of is actually that scary. Now, not everyone will like you, but the only way to discover who does is to be yourself. And people naturally gravitate towards opinionated people.

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Weird is interesting, conformity is not. Here’s to breaking out of your shell. It took a third grader named Al and an eighth grade summer camp to bust out of mine, and I hope to experience your quirky personality in person someday.

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Hope you enjoyed this somewhat embarrassing episode. And what’s hilarious is that one of my friends knew exactly who I was talking about when they heard about this story and immediately looked up Al on Google. And it turns out he looks exactly the same as he did in elementary school and he’s doing quite well as well. For more information about this episode, go to mywifecoupterjob.com slash episode 319. And once again, I want to thank Clavio, which is my email marketing platform of choice for e-commerce merchants. You can easily put together automated flows like an abandoned card sequence, a post purchase flow, a win back campaign.

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Basically all these sequences that will make you money on autopilot. So head on over to mywifequitterjob.com slash KLAVIYO. Once again, that’s mywifequitterjob.com slash KLAVIYO. I also want to thank Postscript.io, which is my SMS marketing platform of choice for e-commerce merchants. With a few clicks of a button, you can easily segment and send targeted text messages to your client base. SMS is the next big own marketing platform and you can sign up for free over at Postscript.io slash Steve.

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That’s P-O-S-T-S-C-R-I-P-T.I-O slash Steve. Now I talk about how I use these tools on my blog. And if you are interested in starting your own eCommerce store, head on over to mywifequitterjob.com and sign up for my free six day mini course. Just type in your email and I’ll send you the course out of the way. Thanks for listening.

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where we are giving the courage people need to start their own online business. more information, visit Steve’s blog at www.mywifequitterjob.com.